the unlit cigarette

"the unlit cigarette haunts me."

i can clearly see the words on the page, in a spiral bound notebook, just as i wrote them some eight years ago, high as a kite on lavender acid, sitting in tessa's apartment.

and in my third attempt to quit in a year and a half, im resorting to my old tripping tricks. im carrying an unlit cigarette to keep my hand company. its better than eating, right?
and it got me thru a good portion of the evening at the bar last night, with minimal cheating (all things considered, i mean, i was at the bar for chrissakes ;) though the temptation to dip that stick of tobacco in the fire for a light was too subconciously great while i sat toasty, sipping my beer, talking drunkenly to my best friend on my shiney new satanic cell phone.


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