plovers

i was talking with my jeff-jeff yesterday, and its got me thinking again about the few people im close to. ive been anti-social again lately, jeff & i were talking about that, among other serious & light-hearted things. perhaps from going so overboard lately, its the backlash. run, hide, an over-developed sense of fight or flight? whatever the cause, im holing up again, feeling wierd around folks, getting twitchy, the usual.

which in turn makes me think more about people - people in general, people i know, relationships, nuances, personalities, etc, etc - and about the way i interact & am, the way people see me. plovers come to mind. throwing out little decoys to the world, letting it think it sees my core, nature, secrets. when really its all a decoy, no matter how personal it looks on the surface. and there are so few with whom i even come close to comfort.

who and what i am is so buried, im always amazed at the things people think i am. there are so many things that people assume, that they see on the surface or that are reflections of their own conceptions. water, in every way, not just molding to my surroundings, but reflecting it back to the outside. could i really be any more stereotypically scorpio? can i hold that up as my defense for my dysfunction? my complete inability to interact with people in any sort of normal way? the tendancy to close up, retreat, keep my own counsel & become irritated with the world around me?

i blame it all on the stars!